


newsflash

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, but it's ok because steve can, obviously, the rest of the team shows up, tony can't deal with emotions, tony has slight self esteem issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 03:35:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11889111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “What happened now? You’re not dying, are you?” A valid question, but Tony found the assumption somewhat insulting.“I wish.” He whined. “No, no, it’s worse; Steve is being nice to me, Pepper–– no, don’t sigh, listen to me for a second. This is the third time this week he’s come down into the workshop to–– to hang out or check up on me, and I literally have never been more confused in my whole life."





	newsflash

**Author's Note:**

> I literally just typed this up and posted it so lets keep the constructive criticism to a minimum kiddos

As soon as Steve had left the workshop, with a smile thrown over his shoulder that made him a little weak in the knees, Tony called Pepper, muttering under his breath and fumbling with the phone. “I have a problem,” Tony blurted as soon as the line connected, praying Pepper didn't have him on speaker like last time.

“Good morning to you too, Tony.” Pepper greeted. “What happened now? You’re not dying, are you?” A valid question, but Tony found the assumption somewhat insulting.

“I _wish_ .” He whined. “No, no, it’s worse; Steve is being nice to me, Pepper–– no, don’t sigh, listen to me for a second. This is the third time this week he’s come down into the workshop to–– to _hang out_ or check up on me, and I literally have never been more confused in my whole life; I’ve had JARVIS scan me for brain damage four times.”

Tony picked up a wrench, set it back down, picked up a different one. “He keeps bringing me food and talking to me and being nice to me, what the hell is he thinking? Oh god, is this about Fury telling us to work better together? Is he making it his fucking mission to be friends for the sake of the world? It's not worth it.”

“Tony––”

“Is he just such a genuinely decent person that he’s actually trying to be friends? Is he going out of his way to treat me nicely because _he’s_ that nice?”  Tony’s panic was rapidly increasing.

There was a barely contained sigh from the other end. “Have you ever considered,” Pepper said carefully, in a voice saved specially for when Tony was being a wild idiot . “That maybe he likes spending time with you?”

Tony paused, hand frozen in the air with a wrench. Well who was the wild idiot now? “Nope, no, that’s crazy, that is making bad life decisions, is what that is. Anyways, he made it pretty clear that first day he hates my guts, which is totally understandable, granted, which just makes it even weirder that he keeps _talking to me_.” He threw himself sideways into a chair, sending himself rolling across the floor. “Did I mention the fact he’s a good person? A nice guy?”

“You’re a nice guy too, Tony.” Pepper interjected. “I’m sure Steve enjoys your company.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, fruit cup, but you’re wrong. I’m an asshole. I have an asshole personality. Ask anyone, really, call Eyepatch up right now and ask––  hell, my SHIELD file says I’m an asshole. Steve’s file probably says shit like ‘Occupation: being a good guy. Hobbies: helping old ladies across the street and singing to baby animals in the woods.’ It’s literally a federal offense for me to be in the same room as him for more than 15 minutes; I should be jailed.”

“That’s already happened, Tony.” Pepper replied offhandedly, accompanied by the sound of papers being shuffled professionally. “I don’t think spending time with Steve could really have any negative impacts, anyways.”

“Okay, but _him_ hanging out with _me_ will have negative impacts, like Fury killing me in my sleep or trying to lecture me. He already did that when I checked out Steve’s ass that one time, but really, it was for measurments for his new suit, for science honestly, and you can’t _really_ blame me, the man wears bright blue and red spandex. He should keep such desirable government property more thoroughly covered, seeing as I lack impulse control.” Tony let out a long, dramatic sigh, and Pepper responded with her own exasperated one. He rolled his eyes. She could never just let him win.

“He’s infuriating is what he is.” He continued. “ He’s–– he’s too nice, it’s fucking impossible to hate him, and I’m trying to, Pepper, I am putting in so much effort into not liking Steve and I literally am incapable of completing such a task. You know he made me dinner the other day? He fucking cooked food and brought it down for me, and he didn’t even want anything from me! Who _does_ that?”

“Tony, I know real emotions give you migraines and serious indigestion,” Pepper, apparently finding that her sighs were not having the desired effect, replied cooly. “But I really don’t see what the problem is, besides the fact that you don’t want to like Steve.”

“When you say it like that it sounds weird.” He complained, searching futilely for his misplaced coffee cup and knocking over a stack of probably important folders in the process.

“Well _don’t_ you like Steve?”

Tony let out a small _aha_ upon finding his cup, swallowing the rest of the cold coffee. “Of course I like him, it’s Steve, we literally just discussed how it’s impossible not to like him, the problem is that I _like_ him. Like like him. Romantic, mushy feelings when he smiles. Oh my god, he keeps smiling at me, this is horrible.”

“I picked up on that,” Pepper confirmed. “Are you aware that your IQ drops dramatically when talking about your feelings?”

“Don’t sass me, I’m having a crisis, you’re supposed to be helping!” He should have called Rhodey, Rhodey wouldn’t treat him like this. Rhodey would just get it over with and make fun of him before hanging up like a real friend.

Another sigh–– this was getting excessive. “Actually, I’m supposed to be at a very important meeting in 15 minutes, but instead I’m discussing your crush on Captain America.”

Tony shook his head feverently just for the sake of doing so. “No–– I had a crush on Captain America when I was 12 and he was a celebrity popsicle. This is worse; I have a crush on _Steve,_ and apparently he’s my goddamn friend, because I have friends and responsibilities now. Oh my fuck.” And when did that fucking happen? One day the Avengers were just living in his house and Clint was on top of the fridge and Steve was coming back from _morning runs_ and cooking breakfast like a fucking maniac. Who did that shit?

“Tony.” Now Pepper’s voice was firm and made Tony sit up straighter in his chair despite the fact that he was alone. “Do not fuck this up by avoiding him and running away, you’re a big boy now.”

“I have fought aliens and gods, Pepper, I do not _run away._ ” Tony exclaimed, totally not defensive. “I am strategically relocating for safety purposes. Mainly, staying here and locking him out.”

“You can’t do that; he’s going to say please and you’ll lock him in the workshop with you.” scoffed Pepper.

“While I object to to that take on my character, I don’t find anything wrong with the picture you’re painting.” He mused, smirking.

“Tony, as fascinating as the discovery of your human emotions is, I’m about to be late for my meeting, and I don’t think the directors will accept the excuse of Tony Stark having a stroke because of this crush on Captain America.”

Finding that all three of the discarded cups in the workshop were empty, Tony resigned himself to the fact he had to go upstairs to get more coffee or die trying. “You still haven’t told me what I’m supposed to do, maybe the board will have some suggestions.”

“It’s been a pleasure, Mr. Stark. Have fun trying to woo a national icon.”

“Who said I’m going to woo him? I’m going to avoid this as much as possible. Pepper? Hello? Rude. Making me face my fears alone.” He stood up and stretched, wincing when his spine cracked. Coffee, coffee would fix his tired bones and poor, poor misguided brain.

Gathering the small collection of empty cups, Tony started up the stairs, the plans for a really big, robotic coffee cup already forming in his mind. “JARVIS, what are the possible cons of me building a robotic coffee cup? Oh–– or, a coffee machine, inspired by Transformers 3.”

“It could quite possibly try to kill you again, Sir.”

“Again? What sentient project are you referring to, because the toaster was _harmless._ ” He defended, nearly tripping over himself as he made his way to the kitchen to find Steve sitting at the table, his posture looking strangely like parade rest.

“Steve, my buddy, my pal, my favorite freezer find, how goes it.” Tony greeted intelligently, dumping his cups into the sink and turning to smack the coffee maker into life.

“Not much,” Steve said. “I’m starting to figure out I have some pretty handy super hearing, though, don’t know if you were aware of that.”

“I don’t think your file mentioned that actually.” Tony said, sensing a strange turn in the conversation but lacking necessary caffeine to understand it. “Any juicy gossip you’ve overheard?”

Steve shrugged. “Kind of.” Then he looked at Tony, tilting his head just a little and looking a bit nervous. Tony raised an eyebrow at him. “So how’s Pepper?” Steve says, finally breaking the silence.

“Huh.” Tony stated. Then it clicked, horror causing him to nearly drop his mug and go stock still. He must have had a comically terrified look on his face because Steve had a small, almost amused smile on his face. “Oh.” Then; “So I’m going to strategically relocate to Malibu for the next, ah, two weeks maybe, have Bruce call me in case of an emergency, you don’t call me, because you’re going to spend the two weeks forgetting this ever happened–– actually, you never met me, you don’t know me, when I come back we’ll have a little meet and greet and Fury will have no idea––”

Tony hadn't noticed Steve standing up, too preoccupied with not making eye  contact and willing the coffee maker to _hurry the fuck up_ , so when he looked up to see 6 feet of American made super solider, he froze up.

“Um. You’re not going to hit me for calling you and asshole popsicle, are you?”

Steve’s smile widened. It was quite confusing. “No, I don’t think I am. I think I’d like to try a new tactic to keep you from continuing to call me names, though.”

Tony blinked. “I am confused.” He declared. “Both by your close proximity and the fact that you think I’ll ever stop calling you names, which, really––”

Steve kissed him then, which, he noted in the back of his head, was the most effective way of getting him to shut up; because Steve was kissing him, and all he could do was make a small sound of surprise and kiss back, tilting his head up to deepen Steve’s gentle press of lips.

It was slow and sweet and sent Tony’s head spinning, hips pressing into counter where Steve had him pinned, one hand on his waist, the other coming up to cup the back of his head and making Tony gasp at the tender touch.

Steve pulled back enough to look at him, eyes soft and warm and still smiling. “Hi.” Tony said intelligently, idly noting that his fingers were curled into the fabric of Steve’s shirt, hyper aware of the way Steve was gently stroking his thumb back and forth across Tony’s cheek, making him shiver. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched him so gently or looked at him so softly.

“Hi,” Steve murmured. “I think you’re a pretty nice guy too, you know.”

“I, uh,” Tony cleared his throat. “I did not, not know that, no, um.” It was very hard to think straight with Steve so close, still keeping them pressed flush together. Really, nothing about the situation was very straight, Tony thought wryly, and judging by the way Steve laughed, he had thought it aloud.

“You need less coffee and more sleep,” Steve informed gently.

“Or,” Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, reveling in the way he _could._ “I could continue to take advantage of government property.”

Steve leaned in to kiss him again, still so achingly soft that Tony really had no choice but to melt into it, sighing softly before he could stop himself as Steve broke the kiss. “After you’ve gotten some rest.”

“Spoilsport.” Tony muttered, unable to put any real heat behind it when Steve was setting him down of the counter and reaching behind him to turn off the coffee maker. “Remind me to call Pepper and gloat,” he mumbled, smiling into Steve’s shoulder. “She might even be surprised.”

 

Tony ended up falling asleep against Steve in a matter of seconds, which was no real surprise or inconvenience to him, seeing how Tony still had his arms wrapped loosely around Steve’s waist, fingers curled into the fabric and head tucked into the crook of his neck.

Steve had originally planned to put Tony in his bed, he really had, but now he had Tony’s warm weight against him, muttering softly in his sleep, he thought putting him to bed a walking away might cause him physical injury.

So he took Tony to the couch and curled up next to him, not even bothering to turn the TV on because nothing could be as interesting as the plans for the coffee maker Tony was making, or the way he would snuggle closer to Steve.

When Natasha walked in a few minutes later she didn’t say anything, just raised her eyebrow at them and took a seat on the loveseat, grabbing the remote and flicking through channels. Clint, who followed moment later, snorted and snapped a picture shamelessly, making Steve blush. Natasha settled on some movie Steve had never seen before, keeping the volume low so as not to disturb Tony. Even Thor was quiet when he finally trailed in, grinning once he saw Steve with his arms around Tony.

Eventually the whole team was there, and Steve still had a sleeping Tony Stark practically in his lap. He made a mental note to call Pepper and thank her later, and sent up a silent prayer of thanks for his enhanced hearing.

 

* * *

 

come say yolo at my [tumblr](chillsexual.tumblr.com) babes 


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